Donna M. Soules explores the many faces of defensiveness and how to adopt a curious attitude to understand the root of defensive behaviors. Given that defensiveness is a perceived threat to our self-image or face, digging for the gold to uncover what is hidden is valuable. The discussion covers how understanding how face-saving erects barriers and impedes the exploration of interests.

Defensiveness is often silent and unconscious, adding – unacknowledged – another issue to the agenda causing confusion. When defenses ride in, the mediation is at risk of being hijacked.

Donna reviews theories from different psychological perspectives affecting both mediators and clients. These theories are integrated with discussion of practical skills used by experienced mediators to address defensiveness, along with stories from Donna’s mediation practice.

Skills such as asking open questions, exploring, and probing are discussed to help parties in mediation name the perceived threat of the unbearable idea. The presentation is supplemented by illustrations applying theory to practice and demonstrating skills. This session is interactive, calling on participants to contribute their own insights, experiences, and skill practice of open questions.

About the Speaker
Following her certification in Conflict Resolution from the Justice Institute (Vancouver) in 1993, Donna Soules founded Soules Consulting Ltd. to bring the benefits of mediation to both organizations and families. She has a Master's Degree in Conflict Resolution from Antioch University (Ohio). She has been a member of the Attorney General's Mediation Roster since 1998. Together with her mediation training and extensive counseling experience, she brings a wealth of knowledge to the challenges of dispute resolution.

A senior trainer for the Justice Institute of BC, Donna also instructed in the Criminology Department at Vancouver Island University to supplement her private practice as a mediator, trainer, and facilitator.

Training at Arica Institute (1972-2001) in NYC provided Donna with group process and teamwork development skills to assist people in workplace, organizational, and non-profit areas where mediation is used to resolve conflicts.

During her five years at Five Acres Alternate School (Nanaimo) as a counselor, she developed a restorative justice program with the students and teachers to resolve school-based issues.

First Nations groups have requested her support for training and mediating workplace issues, as well as working with families to resolve conflicts. She has facilitated workshops for students of residential schools.

Donna uses a pragmatic approach in her mediation and training sessions: "When the needs and values of people are threatened, they can feel angry and confused. It's normal for conflict to develop when stress and change are facts of life." She remains committed to the belief that skill development can be used to resolve differences in a "supportive and practical manner." She values, above all else, respect for a confidential and safe environment for learning or conflict resolution.

In 2019, Donna published Understanding Conflict: Bridging Theory and Practice, a manual for instructors, available from Amazon. In 2026, she is completing a follow-up publication called Defensiveness and Conflict.

In 2024, in recognition of her many career accomplishments, Donna was awarded the Susanna Jani Award for Excellence in Mediation by Mediate BC Society.